“Why Are They So Nasty?

“Why are people so nasty?

Why can’t we all just be kind to one another?"

So, I don’t know about you, but recently I’ve been hearing this a lot! And to be honest, I’ve found myself asking the very same question.

It feels like there's conflict everywhere - political, personal, even over something as painful as losing a parent and dividing an estate.

I’ve witnessed siblings fall out over money, life long friends split over misunderstandings, work colleagues in battle, and I’ve walked that heartbreaking path myself.

It’s devastating. It’s confusing. And it leaves a hollow ache in the heart.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

There is an answer to why people are so bitter, angry, cruel - or simply shut down.

It all boils down to that old cliche: 

Hurt people hurt people.

We're human after all, and we've all been hurt, so unfortunately we're in this dynamic of messiness together!

Behind every hostile interaction, every passive-aggressive comment, every icy silence, every fiery argument, is unprocessed, unspoken, often unrecognised PAIN!

Oh yes my friend, it's there in us all, yet we don't like to see it.

The Roots of Nastiness

We kind of know people aren’t born cruel.

They're just wounded.

Behind sharp words is a child who felt unseen.

Behind greed is someone who never felt safe or secure.

Behind the stubborn need to be right is someone who never felt heard.

Behind rejection is often someone terrified of being abandoned - again! 😫

We then grow up doing our best to hold it all together. We distract ourselves with careers, children, homes, accomplishments. We slap on brave faces. We stay busy.

But eventually… 

The unhealed pain seeps through the cracks, and it can get mucky and messy! 

A comment from a sibling becomes a fight.

A decision about money unleashes years of buried resentment.

A clash of values becomes a war zone.

And then it gets nastier, not because we're inherently evil or broken, but because the pain that's been denied eventually demands to be fully seen.

IN FULL TECHNICOLOUR!!

Because if we don't consciously heal it, we unconsciously project it.

And unfortunately, most of us don’t even know we’re doing it.

(Yes, I can put my hand up to that one!) 😏

We’re All Just Wounded

It’s true - every one of us carries old hurts.

So when someone behaves badly toward you, perhaps instead of asking, “What’s wrong with them?” try pausing and asking, “What pain might be behind this?”

And remember, it works both ways! Every clash is a two-way exchange. We’re not just innocent bystanders; we’re reacting too.

To be clear, this isn’t about excusing cruelty or tolerating abuse. It’s about recognising that, more often than not, cruelty is a hidden cry for help.

They may be battling their own sense of worthlessness.

The one blaming you might be haunted by shame.

The cold-hearted sibling might be the one who felt most unloved as a child.

When we start to see the pain behind the pattern, even if it’s just a glimpse, it softens something inside us.

Compassion slips in. And that's when we can shift the energy from war, to the first steps of healing.

Healing Is A Choice

Most people won’t heal.

They’ll keep blaming.

They’ll keep shutting others out.

They’ll keep building walls.

Because healing takes courage. It takes self-awareness, willingness, and it often takes someone else to mirror what they’ve spent a lifetime avoiding.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re one of the few ready to break the pattern.

Because you’ve felt the ache of fractured relationships. You’ve been on the receiving end of hurt. And maybe, like me, you’ve had to piece your heart back together.

It's hard to forgive and accept others just as they are.

But when you allow others to have the experience they need, it releases you from the game they're playing.

The dynamic ends when you stop blaming and start feeling

You stop the pattern when you choose compassion over control.

It's when you tend to your pain, instead of waiting for others to change - because, let’s face it, they probably won’t. 

The moment you become a healing presence - for yourself, your family, and your world - you create a ripple. And in that softer space, others are far more likely to also soften, feel a shift, and see the blind truth within themselves.

Kindness Wins

The world doesn’t need more perfect people.

It needs more healed ones.

It needs people like you who chooses kindness, not because life has been easy, but because you've learned to love in spite of your own pain.

So my message for you this month is this:

Next time someone lashes out, says something cruel or shuts down, pause, then ask:

What pain might they be carrying?

What part of me is reacting?

What still needs to be healed, not just in them, but in me too?

We’re not here to fix or blame people. We’re here to see the truth behind pain.

That’s how real change happens.

And you're one of the leaders in this!

You're one of the brave ones who chooses compassion over judgment, healing over hate.

Because in the end…

It’s not cruelty that will change the world - it’s kindness.

And therefore my friend, it starts with you and me. 💛

Are you ready to take your life to the next level? 🌟

I'd LOVE you to join me for our next Align & Rise Program! 💗

Registrations are now open, or find out more:  

👉 https://www.jakkietalmage.com/align-and-rise